SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL You have two cows. You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Pre-weekend..
I spent this week looking forward to today, kind of in that desperate "please god, let it be Friday" kind of way. Well, as it normally happens, Friday is here and I shall rejoice. Why? Because I've organized a group to go see Mamma Mia. Yup. Can't wait. I've been listening to the Meryl's version of Mamma Mia and The Winner Takes it All all week and I think I'm ready- my mom even sent me a link from the NY Times with clips and trainers from the movie. (I've watched them all and my review is this movie is going to be horribly delightful). I've decided not to care that the Post's review stated " you will leave the theater feeling like you have been strangled by a turquoise feather boa." To me, that's just an excellent use of imagery and an homage to all the gays that will be venturing to the theater tonight. The metro's review, "a massive mess, but fun" made me smile because that could have been the review of my life.
In addition, this weekend marks the arrival of Shea's and my moment- beer ball tourney. I understand that I am now in my later 20's but I when you are this good (relying on Shea's natural chugging ability) you've just got to play. Here's to being in bed at 7pm tomorrow night.
In addition, this weekend marks the arrival of Shea's and my moment- beer ball tourney. I understand that I am now in my later 20's but I when you are this good (relying on Shea's natural chugging ability) you've just got to play. Here's to being in bed at 7pm tomorrow night.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Despite everything indicating it would be otherwise, this weekend turned out to be pretty awesome.
Friday night started with a work happy hour followed by meeting up with Keith at 1409 [a bar Keith warned me would be hilarious- and it was. It was a mix of Taco Loco meets Bennigan's meets Tavern on Camac (philly's best piano bar).] I stayed there, caught up and chatted with some of his friends whilst drinking too many of my new favorite drink: grapefruit & vodka with a splash of soda.
I left Keith and his crew and moved over to join Amy (who leaves for Africa for five weeks on Friday), her boyfriend, Kelly, Shea, and Ashley. At this point I probably should have gone home, recognizing how much I had to drink. But it was only 8pm so there was no reason for me to give up so early. An hour later and we were the only people dancing at Heaven and Hell (still can't believe we went there). The dancing wiped us out but didn't prevent us from kickin' it until 1am on Bourbon's patio.
Saturday morning we trekked over to Kaitlyn's so that we could carpool out to VA- about an hour-and-a-half away- to go tubing. The six of us arrived 2.5 hours later after a flat-tire scare, beer stop, and a serious discussion as to whether we should just go to the Quality Inn pool instead of tubing. Tubing won.
The tubing place was relatively packed when we got there including a group of people we all knew. I just started laughing when I saw the group (what are the chances?) and made my way to fill up the cooler to that our libations were thoroughly chilled for the float. The three or four hours on the river went by incredibly fast- a lot of laughing, singing, swimming with cows (not kidding), and quality time spent with great people. We made it back to DC by 8pm and all of us promptly went our separate ways and I was in bed by 10pm.
Yesterday I woke up and drove out to VA again for a book brunch. I brought three books for the exchange and ended up leaving with ten: some fiction, non-fiction, and a relatively cheesy book about Christmas but it included recipes for short-bread cookies, so I had to take it.
I topped the day off with an 8-mile run through some of the best thunderstorms DC has seen in weeks. I must have looked quite the fool- running shirtless with my ipod clipped to my shorts, soaked completely through, and the biggest grin splashed on my face. I normally smile when I run (because of my playlist) but add an awesome thunderstorm and I was practically beaming.
I then watched a movie with a friend and was in bed by 10:30.
An exhausting, busy but wonderful weekend spent with fantastic people. Thanks to all.
Today's song: Get Better by Mates of State
Friday night started with a work happy hour followed by meeting up with Keith at 1409 [a bar Keith warned me would be hilarious- and it was. It was a mix of Taco Loco meets Bennigan's meets Tavern on Camac (philly's best piano bar).] I stayed there, caught up and chatted with some of his friends whilst drinking too many of my new favorite drink: grapefruit & vodka with a splash of soda.
I left Keith and his crew and moved over to join Amy (who leaves for Africa for five weeks on Friday), her boyfriend, Kelly, Shea, and Ashley. At this point I probably should have gone home, recognizing how much I had to drink. But it was only 8pm so there was no reason for me to give up so early. An hour later and we were the only people dancing at Heaven and Hell (still can't believe we went there). The dancing wiped us out but didn't prevent us from kickin' it until 1am on Bourbon's patio.
Saturday morning we trekked over to Kaitlyn's so that we could carpool out to VA- about an hour-and-a-half away- to go tubing. The six of us arrived 2.5 hours later after a flat-tire scare, beer stop, and a serious discussion as to whether we should just go to the Quality Inn pool instead of tubing. Tubing won.
The tubing place was relatively packed when we got there including a group of people we all knew. I just started laughing when I saw the group (what are the chances?) and made my way to fill up the cooler to that our libations were thoroughly chilled for the float. The three or four hours on the river went by incredibly fast- a lot of laughing, singing, swimming with cows (not kidding), and quality time spent with great people. We made it back to DC by 8pm and all of us promptly went our separate ways and I was in bed by 10pm.
Yesterday I woke up and drove out to VA again for a book brunch. I brought three books for the exchange and ended up leaving with ten: some fiction, non-fiction, and a relatively cheesy book about Christmas but it included recipes for short-bread cookies, so I had to take it.
I topped the day off with an 8-mile run through some of the best thunderstorms DC has seen in weeks. I must have looked quite the fool- running shirtless with my ipod clipped to my shorts, soaked completely through, and the biggest grin splashed on my face. I normally smile when I run (because of my playlist) but add an awesome thunderstorm and I was practically beaming.
I then watched a movie with a friend and was in bed by 10:30.
An exhausting, busy but wonderful weekend spent with fantastic people. Thanks to all.
Today's song: Get Better by Mates of State
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Barney's advice
It's been a tricky week (and it's only Wednesday) but one of Barney's (yup, Barney Stinson from HIMYM) lines has helped.
'Sometimes I get sad. But then I stop being sad and start being awesome.'
I'm struggling a little bit with the awesome but at least this makes me smile.
Today's song: Sandcastles in the Sand by Robin Sparkles
'Sometimes I get sad. But then I stop being sad and start being awesome.'
I'm struggling a little bit with the awesome but at least this makes me smile.
Today's song: Sandcastles in the Sand by Robin Sparkles
Friday, July 4, 2008
Does your vacation normally include....
...awesome miniature golf five-somes?...
...impromptu dance parties (that's my dad in the black shirt)?....
...impromptu dance parties (that's my dad in the black shirt)?....
....competitive bingo tournaments for adults?....
...and for children?....
...the candle game (yup, we watch them burn)?....
...a talent show?.....
...and a field day (replete with egg-on-a-spoon races and water-balloon tosses)?
...a talent show?.....
...and a field day (replete with egg-on-a-spoon races and water-balloon tosses)?
I'm not sure it does. At it's height, 40 of my family members (just on my mom's side) were able to join in the fun. It was an unbeatable week, spent with unbeatable people.
Today's song: My Favorite Things by Julie Andrews
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
We all just want to have fun..
When "We are the World" was released in 1985, I was a huge fan. Granted, I was only four-years-old but something about that song spoke to me. I guess I should say someone in that song spoke to me: Cyndi Lauper. My mother told me she remembers looking in the rear view mirror of our caravan to see me singing along to only Cyndi's part of "We are the World". Whenever there would be something about her, either on TV or in some media, mom would say "hey look, Anton, it's your girl!" Well, I couldn't be more hung up on my girl right now with her new single "Into the Nightlife". I have it on constant repeat. Enjoy it below.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Thank you for the music..
Working for a research firm, I am continually barraged with new studies stating one thing or another about how raising or lowering a certain variable is certain or uncertain to increase or decrease how healthy or unhealthy you are.
My favorite studies are the ones that are including in my firm's Daily Briefy (The Nations Healtcare News in Five Minutes) under the Et Cetera heading. Today's Et Cetera claimed the following- "Research suggests choral singing has health benefits".
This title will keep a smile on my face for the rest of the afternoon. Below is the article.
Today's song: Warwick Avenue by Duffy
Et cetera: Research suggests choral singing has health benefits
05/27/2008
A growing body of research suggests that singing in professional, community, church, and school choruses may have health benefits, the Boston Globe reports, adding that the findings are “great news” for the approximately 29 million adults and children who participate in such activities. The Globe highlights a 2006 study led by a psychiatrist from the George Washington University’s Center on Aging, Health, and Humanities in which researchers tracked 300 people between the ages of 65 and 103 in three cities. For the study, one half of participants took part in an arts program involving chorale singing while the other half did not. After one year, the researchers found that the singers reported better health than at the outset of the study. Additionally, the singers had fewer falls and exhibited greater improvement in measures of depression, loneliness, and morale compared with the group that did not sing. Moreover, a paper published in 2004 by a musicologist and research fellow at the Royal Northern College of Music in Manchester found that along with an improvement in mood, a one-hour singing rehearsal appeared to result in the increased production of an immune marker in the saliva of 31 choral singers. While noting that “it’s not clear how much of the health benefit is due to hanging out with other people and how much to the artistic challenge,” the Globe concludes that “for whatever mix of reasons, choral singing is good for your health” (Foreman, Globe, 5/19 [registration required]).
My favorite studies are the ones that are including in my firm's Daily Briefy (The Nations Healtcare News in Five Minutes) under the Et Cetera heading. Today's Et Cetera claimed the following- "Research suggests choral singing has health benefits".
This title will keep a smile on my face for the rest of the afternoon. Below is the article.
Today's song: Warwick Avenue by Duffy
Et cetera: Research suggests choral singing has health benefits
05/27/2008
A growing body of research suggests that singing in professional, community, church, and school choruses may have health benefits, the Boston Globe reports, adding that the findings are “great news” for the approximately 29 million adults and children who participate in such activities. The Globe highlights a 2006 study led by a psychiatrist from the George Washington University’s Center on Aging, Health, and Humanities in which researchers tracked 300 people between the ages of 65 and 103 in three cities. For the study, one half of participants took part in an arts program involving chorale singing while the other half did not. After one year, the researchers found that the singers reported better health than at the outset of the study. Additionally, the singers had fewer falls and exhibited greater improvement in measures of depression, loneliness, and morale compared with the group that did not sing. Moreover, a paper published in 2004 by a musicologist and research fellow at the Royal Northern College of Music in Manchester found that along with an improvement in mood, a one-hour singing rehearsal appeared to result in the increased production of an immune marker in the saliva of 31 choral singers. While noting that “it’s not clear how much of the health benefit is due to hanging out with other people and how much to the artistic challenge,” the Globe concludes that “for whatever mix of reasons, choral singing is good for your health” (Foreman, Globe, 5/19 [registration required]).
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
TMI
People have got to stop sending me these questions. I can't help but fill them out over and over and over again.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? St. Anthony of Padua
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Tuesday- I cry at the drop of a hat.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING ? I have shockingly good handwriting.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Pepper Turkey
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? I will one day have a son named Henry
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Obvi
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT? See previous question.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS ? yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? I gotta have my Pops!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I normally wear loafers.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? not really. Have you seen me?
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Breyer's Coffee
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Eyes and laugh
15. RED OR PINK? Pink
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU? I seem to be balding.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ? My mom mom.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Obvi
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue jeans (brand new levis thank you) and brown driving moccasins.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Quacamole
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Justin and Karina
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Burnt Sienna
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? burning wood on a cold night and the smell right before it rains.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Tina Ciaramella
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Debatable- j/k
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Diving, Tennis, Gymnastics, Ninja Warrior
27. Hair Color? brown with flecks of red
28. EYE COLOR? Hazel
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes.
30. FAVORITE FOOD? steak- medium rare, mashed potatoes, and asparagus
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Gosford Park
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Pink
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer
35. HUGS OR KISSES? I can't decide. Both!
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Key Lime Pie
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I hope all of us.
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND ? that's a toss up.
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The People's History of the United States
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don't have one :)
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? I didn't
42. FAVORITE SOUND? my family's laughter
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME??? Thailand and China
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I can walk on my hands for days
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Boca Raton, FL
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? St. Anthony of Padua
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Tuesday- I cry at the drop of a hat.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING ? I have shockingly good handwriting.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Pepper Turkey
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? I will one day have a son named Henry
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Obvi
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT? See previous question.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS ? yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? I gotta have my Pops!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I normally wear loafers.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? not really. Have you seen me?
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Breyer's Coffee
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Eyes and laugh
15. RED OR PINK? Pink
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU? I seem to be balding.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ? My mom mom.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Obvi
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue jeans (brand new levis thank you) and brown driving moccasins.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Quacamole
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Justin and Karina
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Burnt Sienna
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? burning wood on a cold night and the smell right before it rains.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Tina Ciaramella
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Debatable- j/k
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Diving, Tennis, Gymnastics, Ninja Warrior
27. Hair Color? brown with flecks of red
28. EYE COLOR? Hazel
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes.
30. FAVORITE FOOD? steak- medium rare, mashed potatoes, and asparagus
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Gosford Park
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Pink
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer
35. HUGS OR KISSES? I can't decide. Both!
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Key Lime Pie
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I hope all of us.
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND ? that's a toss up.
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The People's History of the United States
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don't have one :)
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? I didn't
42. FAVORITE SOUND? my family's laughter
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME??? Thailand and China
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I can walk on my hands for days
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Boca Raton, FL
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
